emotions

can't think of much else..I am anxious, nervous and excited all at the same time and worried, but that is not a new one for me. My husband calls me a worry wart all the time. He really tries to re assure me that things will be fine and I try to believe him, and of course when things turn out right he always says I told you so trust me. One of these days I will stop worrying...Hahaha yeah right who am I kidding I will always be a worrier!
I am so anxious to go on this trip. Yet at the same time I am so nervous, not about traveling, but about leaving my babies! I haven't left them very often. I think the last time I left Amelia she was only 3. That was 6 years ago! Nate has never been left since he was a baby, I left him a few nights a week with my mom and dad at the Ronald Mc Donald House while I was at the hospital, but that is not the same as leaving them and being far away from them. This will be a new experience for me.
Today also marks the 6 year anniversary of when life change for us. Today was the day that Marshall was admitted into the hospital to start a new journey in his and our lives. I will never for get Radiation day. Ty and I were sitting in a little waiting room just outside the radiation room that Marsh was in. I remember seeing the little sign above the door lighting up and saying radiation in use. I was sitting there with tears strolling down my face and I could see them in Ty's eyes. Yes he is a manly man, but when you are talking about your child and his life. I have only seen him shed a tear 3 times in 19 years and told about a 4th, I wasn't there to see it because I was the reason he was crying. I was fighting for my life and the docs had just left from talking to him and my aunt and told Ty that there first priority was to save his wife. That was when we lost our second son. Anyway back to the story.... I looked at Ty and said this is it there is no turning back, you know that they are killing our son in there don't you? Of course he knew and it all be came so real and we just sat there hugging each other with tears rolling down. It wasn't long and it was over it sure felt like a life time though. We were just kinda happy that he was able to be there. We knew how special this moment was as he has just suffered a massive brain hemorrhage just 9 months earlier.
So you see this month is full of emotional days for me. On the 18th will be another mile stone...that was transplant day and my mothers birthday, so now we have two reasons to celebrate...although this year I won't be with them to celebrate...my emotions will be getting the best of me while in Vegas. I am sure Ty and I will be celebrating the day in our own way! There was a lot to go on for us in 2003 and most of them not for the good. Ty and I say the only good thing to come for us out of that year was and IS Nathan!
Anyway thanks for letting me vent..I've been stuck in this house for a few days getting high on the scent of Lysol...so forgive me if my emotions got the best of me. If the weather is not so rainy later I will be getting out with the kids later!!!
I should have a few pictures later this weekend of my first attempt to do marshmallow fondant on the 40th anniversary cake and the chocolate ganache cake....
Well its now 10:00 and my lazy little girl is still sleeping gotta go get her up!