Notes from the Dungeons

When I finish crying my eyes out I might be able to pull myself together!!!! I knew it and I was already preparing myself for the worst.... her counts were not good Not at all!
WBC (white blood cells) 3.3
HGB (hemoglobin) 9.9
Platelets 18

On top of all of this Marshall has been complaining about the scar on his head hurting at the top where the screw is. Now I am tyring to get an appointment with the neurosurgeon. The body may be starting to reject the screw. If that is the case that means surgery again, possibly.
I just want to bury my head in the sand! I feel like one of those rubber stretch dolls that is being pulled in all kinds of directions!

So much emotions going on right now. I want to go and get transplant over with, but I want the guarantee that she will be coming home with us. I know that, that is not a possibility the guarantee...I am trying to have faith here, but my brain over rides my heart at most times!

I just feel that this isn't the kind of stuff that parents should have to deal with! I mean I KNOW that there are a lot of parents out there who deal with this kinda stuff all the time and it just isn't right. No parent should feel this way and to those of you who are fortunate to not have to deal with this please love your children and give them all of you and let them know how lucky they are.
Thing is I knew, I KNEW that this time was coming and I have been prepared for this..we have to do what we have to do. I just need my husband better and back at work, I need Marshall 100%. I hate the fact that my family will be scattered all over for so long...

I just need to stop venting and just let the fog settle and then deal with all of this!
as Arnold would say.....I'll be back!!!