Not much going on here! Other than I am enjoying a lot of time to myself!! The kids are all loving school, well except my baby. He starts counting the days down till Friday on Monday morning. He is an out doors boy!! I have loved being back at the gym! Never thought I would say that but I feel so much better when I go and sleep 110% better. I have one more full week to my self, well maybe not the whole week. Amelia will go back to Ochsner's for her annual bone marrow biopsy on Thursday the 20th. We are going straight to the OR! They will put gas on her and then start the IV!! So please say a prayer for her that things go smoothly this time. I'm trying not to think about it and think good thoughts. This time of year just makes me so nervous. I am sooooooo not ready to go back to Minneapolis. Not so much Minneapolis, but just not ready to walk that transplant road again. It is such a stressful thing to go through..it hits me in the pit of my stomach. Oh how I would give anything!! I would my self lay down and die so she wouldn't have to go through any of this!! Of course that is not what is meant to be and I am dealing with. I try really hard to prepare myself...but how do you prepare yourself for loosing a child? That's just not the way life is suppose to be. I'm not trying to be negative here...but the fact is, that it IS a big possibility and I don't want to be in denial, I need to be prepared for the worst. i am happy to say that quality of life for her has been great and that is one thing both of our FA doctors have stressed to me....(local dr and Dr Wagner in Mn) I don't want to cry, I am a strong person, stronger than I ever knew possible. I've been through a lot and I've been dealt a lot and I've learned you just keep rolling a long and jump the hurdles...when you stumble you get back up and keep going...keep moving forward. That's all you can do, I've learned to put all my trust in God and he will take care it. I've come to learn that all things happen in His timing and in the ways that He wants them. And its not until you fully let go does He take total control!!
Sorry didn't mean to be so deep tonight, sometimes I sit here and it just sorta spills out and today was a bit of a rough day for me.
Tomorrow will be better..I know it will because I will make sure and not let things get me down!!! Happy thoughts...I'll think about Vegas...4 weeks and counting!! yeah I'll be packing the night before and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. That's me, I'm not normal if the stress level isn't at max.
Well gotta go put the kiddies in bed and head there myself....Sweet dreams........
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