My Sister's Keeper....

I did it, I probably shouldn't have...but I did! I watched My Sister's Keeper. It was a pretty good movie. Every one warned me...make sure you have plenty of tissues...it will make you cry through out the whole movie. Well I didn't have the tissues, I didn't cry through the whole movie....(am I cold hearted?) I don't think so...I just have/am living that movie. The only part that I cried in, is when the sister died. Not because she died and not because of the movie. But because....I REALLY don't want to be that mom. Meaning, I don't want to loose my child, I just don't know if I could ever let go or get over it. When I tell you that I am scared....scared doesn't even begin to describe the fear I have...the tears that I have shed when no one is around. I'm not ready! With Marshall we didn't have years to prepare and know that this was coming, we went, it was our only hope and chance. With Amelia we've know for 9 and half years now..does it make it any easier to know that far in advance....HELL NO, I think if anything it only makes it worse...you know it is there and you are continually trying to push it away....make it go away. I so wish that I could make it all go away. I know that she too is scared and not knowing what to expect, I can tell it is bothering her in the way she is acting. I am praying to be the mom that she needs me to be and the strong one in front of her and yet cry my eyes out behind closed doors...

Please pray for her we had counts done this afternoon..as soon as I get the results in I'll post them.
Thanks again....