I know that a bone marrow transplant is in her future, there is no getting around that. It is the when that I am having a problem with. I have been reading a lot about, androgens and how they can help bring up the blood counts and keep her held off on a BMT for a while, while they get better at perfecting the transplants. Then I talk to her transplant doctor and he would rather not put her on androgens as they can increase her risk factors during a transplant. I so want to be selfish here and say screw it and put her on the androgens, I want her here for ever...I would give anything to trade places with her! I would die in a heart beat so that she could live a long happy healthy life!!!
I know that it is in Gods hands and what is to be will be, but yet I am still responsible for making the decision to speed it along or slow it down....my head is in a fog and seems to be swirling with all kinds of information...sometimes I really wonder if knowledge is power! I so wish I could see into the future and see what decision I am suppose to make......
Well I have rambled enough....this too shall pass......
2 comments:
Oh Kelly. My heart is breaking just like it did when I read the shorter version on Facebook. I have no idea the pain that you live through daily. But I do know that you are an amazing mother who, with God's help, will make the right choice. He's always with you. Just call out to Him.
Hello Kelly,
I just got to your blog from FB. I didn't realise you had a blog, blog. I think..did you used to have caringbridge? I find the blogs heaps easier to upload. I was just reading through some of your entries. I saw this one and remembered you making a comment on FB about androgens versus transplant...was that you?
I agree that making the tough life and death decisions are no fun at all. In fact, it is stressful. I know that for myself, because I am an adult, no one can make any decision for me. No one can make me feel better about anything. They can't push me into anything and can't make the final decision. This has greatly stressed me at times as I feel alone and wonder whether I am making the right decision for myself.
I can imagine that trying to decide for your child's future would be very difficult and an emotional stress at that. It is hard when trying to make life and death decisions.
I am praying for you and that God will give you amazing peace as you make decisions. I know that in my rough times of decision making God has given me an unmistakable peace about what I have decided.
Lots of love,
Charisse
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